WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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