you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
