I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
