So drunk its hurt
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
