Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
