Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
