And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
