He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
