i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
