I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
