don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone came in the potted fern
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
