he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
