Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
