That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
