Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize