your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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