I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
