even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
someone owes me an orgasm
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
