3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
