our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
