"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
