I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
