Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
