If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
