If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
