So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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