I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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