D3 body, D1 cock
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
