I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
