SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
