1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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