you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
