I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
