I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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