i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
