I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
