She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
