Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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