His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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