I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found your dick twin last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
