Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
