I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
