dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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