I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
