Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
