dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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