No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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