Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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