can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
