Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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