I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
