how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
