drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
