Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize