Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
