I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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