you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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