when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize