I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
