Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(806): View more from Texas

How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.

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(815): View more from Illinois

i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

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(937): View more from Ohio

Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later

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(239): View more from Florida

allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess

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(904): View more from Florida

That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.

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