the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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