More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
