This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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