I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
