For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
