I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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