She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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