if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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