Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
