She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
