the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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