Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
