I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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