some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i now understand why vodka
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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