Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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