Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
