Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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