Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
