either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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