Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize